Why Don't You Go Outside and Play Hide-and-Go-Fuck-Yourself!

Okay, I don't think Barack Obama is fucking superman or anything, but the guy's trying. He came into this presidency looking at a financial catastrophe. He came in hearing Americans screaming for our boys in fatigues to come home, and crying for a solution to get decent affordable healthcare. Every one is clamoring for instant fast food solutions to the myriad of problems that this country has, and the guy's only been president for 3 months!

I'm getting all bent out of shape about the Republicans (conservatives, right-wingers, whatever you wanna call them) and their double standard. Bushypoo started throwing money at these corporations to keep them afloat. I don't blame him, it was needed to start the process of getting us out of the whole that was dug for us to mudslide into. Republicans started smiling, "Look at W.! At the end of his term and still trying to do what's best!". Now Barack is continuing in that vein and their foaming at their mouths! "Look at the socialist! Let them fail! They did it to their selves!" You can't have it both ways, cock suckers!

So what if we let the automakers fail, and the financial companies, and throw the welfare system out the window, and close all borders? What good will that do the country? Tell me your plan. Stop fucking crying and saying that we need to do this shit, and come up with a better plan! I'm so sick of hearing what Obama shouldn't be doing when no one else has any ideas. If you do have some ideas, share the fucking knowledge! Stop keeping it some secret that you need your Conservative utility belt on to hear about! Because until you have an idea, every time I hear you bitch about Obama and the Democrats in Congress, and you keep exaggerating every little idea into some far fetched Socialist/Communist/Facist conspiracy to undermine the sovereignty of the United States of America, then I'm gonna tell you to suck my fat fucking cock until you choke on my poison acid goo, pussy!

Shineless...MicroFiction

There's this site called The Imagination Generator (just google it). It gives you a prompt to write from. The one that came up for me was "What if the sun didn't come up?" It prompted me to write this.

It's been months since the Earth stopped spinning. I haven't had a good nights sleep since. It isn't the light, I have the misfortune of living in the Western Hemisphere. It was night here when it happened. Those lucky bastards in the East have all the heat and daylight. It's the paranoia. It's gotten pretty barbaric everywhere.

They're trying to keep up appearances, mind you, but it isn't working. I just heard on the short wave that people keep assassinating everyone in the line of succession for the Presidency. I don't even think the Constitution specifies who's next. They've been winging it for a while now anyway. I didn't think it'd get this bad this fast. It's only been 3 1/2 months since "The Event" (as the tiny bit of media left is calling it). Within the first two weeks people started freaking out. The cold was setting in and companies were downsizing left and right. Really, they could've continued on, but everyone got scared. We had the feeling of the End Times. Wouldn't you?

First the companies started closing as their leaders just wanted to secure their own nest eggs and run for sunnier locations. I don't blame them, but it was just like dominoes. A few big corporations fall and then the rest follow suit. Then other countries quit trading with the frozen tundra that the US was becoming. So about a month in, hopelessness settled in. Those who ran in droves to Europe or Asia found that the Atlantic Ocean was frozen about halfway over. So you either had to try drag a boat over the icy expanse, which proved futile to most and they turned back due to hunger or death, or they tried to bring enough gasoline to drive the trek in a vehicle. Going westward, in theory, you could walk straight to India. Unfortunately, the lower common denominator of our society have taken to piracy. Unless your heavily armed and numerous, you're really at the mercy of lady luck. From what I hear she's quite the cunt.

The very lowest dregs of us have stayed in the cities of the east coast. Raping and cannibalizing for warmth and sustenance. The government, or what's left of it, is holed up deep inside some mountain refuge, pretending to plan our amazing turn around from lost world into Super Power again. It's not gonna happen, but at least the foolish can believe in something bigger than the horrors of the street. I can't lie and say I haven't fallen victim to the hopelessness myself. I've tasted human flesh. I've killed to protect my meaningless possessions. I've turned a blind eye to a teenage girl being sodomized in a frigid alley.

I've got a plan. I've heard rumors of a paradise in Afghanistan. Well, what used to be Afghanistan. Supposedly, it's become a melting pot of cultures. A Garden of Eden in this horrible fuckhole of a world. Half of it's freezing, the other half is sweltering. Maybe I can make it there and sleep through a night. It's gotta be better than just surviving.

What year is it? Oh yeah, I'm NOT a time traveler, damn!

Lost has been making me think about time travel lately. If you know me, then you probably know that I'm fascinated by all things Sci-Fi, and time travel is pretty close behind super powers on the list of things I think about that a grown man probably shouldn't. 

I like the way Lost is handling the time traveling. We haven't been told why this all happens yet, but i'm sure we'll know once the writers think the reasons up! Anywho, most of the time they travel through time mentally, their consciousness moves between then body and now body. It pretty much kills the worry of meeting the physical you of the past and creating that dreaded "disrupt the universe" paradox. It also takes quite a toll on the brain, confusion and pain and sometimes death occurs unless you find your "constant", which is usually a person to help ground you and keep your brain from going all mushy mashed potatoes. 

Lately, a group of the Losties have been traveling together through time on the Island, but physically instead of mentally. I think this is more of the Island itself moving through time and them staying in place. This would allow the writers to change the rules (that they've been following up to now, having a person move from their now self to the past self) to fit the story they're trying to tell. As we speak, the Losties are 30 years in the past. 

Aside from Lost, I was thinking about time travel in the sense of what if it's going on right now? Who's to say people aren't time traveling this very minute correcting things in their past (our present)? They could be averting global thermonuclear annihilation right this moment! Thank you, TimeCops of the future! For ensuring humanity will live to see another generation! And we would never know it! 

Also, what if our history, our past, has been completely changed from where we should have originally been? What if JFK was gonna somehow cause the downfall of the USA? I doubt it, but what if some enforcer from the future was the second gunman on the grassy knoll that day? His assassination prevented the Canadian Hockey Stick Invasion of '72! I'm so glad we're not saying "Eh?" and "aboot". What if 9/11 happened to specifically ensure the peace treaty with the Klorgax people of Argine 33? I'm not trying to belittle these events, but just show that the possibilities are endless! 

Where's my Blog Juice?

I used to have sooo much to blog about. Not so much recently. Of course I have thought, therefore I should be able to formulate something slightly interesting to write about. I have been exhausted lately. I guess my brain can't really stay on topic long enough to think about what to write long enough to write it down. So maybe I'll just share some randomness. 

Every claims their "random" now. I get the point but it's getting over used to the point of douche-baggy-ness. Just like people making new words out of douche bag. I like to call people "bags of douche juice" because it's way more offensive to call people the contents of the douche bag as opposed to the container. 

Tonight, Sarah asked me why things burn (in reference to the billion percent alcohol mouthwash I use that melts my taste buds off). I told her "It's a physiological effect of nervous stimuli." I don't think it made sense to her 4 year old brain. 

Definition of  "I know, right?": I agree with your previous statement and am affirmatively responding. 

"I'm On A Boat" is fucking hilarious!!!

If I would've slept 3 seconds later on the train on the way home today, I would've missed my stop. I woke up just in the nick of time. 

The only reason I would ever be vegetarian is to lose weight. But meat is so tasty! 

My JudgingEyes.com page is moving to a new host tomorrow. Hopefully it goes smoothly. 

I guess it's folding clothes that I washed Sunday time! Me and the wrinkle monster go way back! 

JawBones!

This is Jesse aka Jawbones. He loves the cock. 

I like dragons.

I might be getting a new dragon today. I hear the Royal Bargain has an awesome "hang on the wall" type sculpture. So, I thought I'd share my dragons with you. Enjoy! Or Hate it! I'm not gonna tell you what to think. 

Much Ado About, nothing really.

So, the Apple Store was down this morning. Everyone got all excited about the rumored revisions to the iMac, Mac Pro, and Mac Mini. You could hear them thinking, "This is gonna be fucking awesome!". It wasn't. I'm underwhelmed. 

Don't get me wrong, it's not an epic fail or anything. They needed some tweaking and Apple didn't make any hoopla about it. I guess I just get irritated by the tech blogs I read (Engadget.com specifically) making a fuss. Oh my, the Apple Store is closed! There's gonna be mind blowing updates to the existing product line! You're gonna be so mad if you just bought one of these items! No. I'm not. I bought my iMac over a year ago, and I'm not blown away by the new specs. I slight processor upgrade. A tiny, almost invisible graphics upgrade. It just really shouldn't have sparked anyone's nerdgasm. 

I'm hungry, not for any new tech stuff, just for dinner. Liverwurst and cheese, upgrading to the onion roll. Yeah, that's as spectacular as the Mac line refresh this morning. 

"I don't promote violence, I just encourage it"

For whatever reason, I've been thinking about the negative view of violence in Hip Hop. Of course it all goes hand in hand with the sex and drug use. I just never understood why, when it comes to rap music, it's such a big huge deal. 

To me, music is just another creative media. Yet, the same people who love movies filled with sex, drugs, and violence condemn the same things in music. How is it different? 

No, I wouldn't let my daughter listen to uncensored Eminem, the same way I wouldn't let her watch a mobster movie. I don't know, but who do you think promotes more violence? Al Pacino and Bobby Dinero or Jadakiss and Cassidy?

Jumping Ship!

So I've trade my iPhone for a T-Mobile G1. There a few reasons why I even considered this. 

First and foremost, I was bored with the iPhone. I know, I couldn't believe it when I first thought it either, but it's true. Yes, my iPhizzy was unlocked and jailbroken, but since I'm not a developer I can't help that they seem to make tons of themes every week and nothing really interesting, App-wise. The App Store apps were great mostly, some retarded, but none the less, after about a year on the iPhone (well two different iPhizzy's) I just lost interest. So a new phone will respark my tech geek side. I'm down for that! 

Secondly, I loved my iPhone! It was like my iMac's little cousin riding out for the homies! When something you love doesn't live up to it's potential, its painful to watch.  I could no longer sit idly by and wish my SMS thread would load already! I was sick of reading over and over in interwebs forums: "Hahaha! It doesn't even do copy and paste! LOLOLZ!!!11!!" I hated the fact that if someone sent me a picture message (MMS) that I didn't even know until said someone texted asking if I'd received it. I hear it's not much better with ATT service. The add-on MMS apps (one from the App Store and one from Cydia) were clunky and convoluted. The load times on everything were seconds longer than they should be. I know I'm talking seconds, but in tech time, that's light years! I couldn't take the pressure of not updating when Apple released a new firmware because I needed to wait until The iPhone Dev-Team figured out the new unlock. I'm an updater, and an early adopter of everything! So the anxious wait was horrendous, granted they were pretty quick about it but still, I felt pressured knowing the update was out and I couldn't do it! 

So I jumped ship last night. 

I got my G1 aka the Google phone aka Androidicus King of the Open Software Smart Phones! In the pursuit of full disclosure, I've been a Google fanboy way longer than I've been an Apple fanboy, so I don't feel any pangs of disloyalty. I remember feverishly searching the interwebs for a Gmail invite code, trying every cell phone I could get my hands on to request one from Google (for some reason, in the beginning, this was Google's preferred method of giving them out!) So it was only fitting that I have the Google-est phone on the planet! 

Getting the back cover off to insert my SIM card was hard. It didn't seem like I was doing it right but I did it. Powered on. First snag! Albeit a minor one. See, the G1 is a 3G phone and I don't have 3G service from T-Mo. I have the standard ass EDGE. The G1 expects you to insert a 3G SIM so the APN settings are set for that. But the G1 immediately let me change the settings. I simply chose the T-Mo US settings and changed the APN to wap.voicestream.com and BOOM! I was on my way! The interface is nice. It's clean and I like that you can arrange your icons however you choose. The iPhizzy makes them shift to the top in an orderly fashion when you move them, but on the G1 you can place the icons wherever you like, similar to your computer desktop. 

You need to slide the screen away to type. I knew that ahead of time, and it's cool. It would be cool to have a virtual keyboard for short little inputs, but remember this phone is open source, so it's all a matter of time. Speaking of, there's no need to jailbreak the G1 because the option is right in settings to allow Non-Android Market apps to be installed. So if Google doesn't approve someone's app you can still install it if you want. That way the dev community is one force! Not two separate ones like with Apple (one for the app store and one for the jailbreakers).  I'm liking the physical keyboard. I haven't had one on a phone in a while so it'll take some getting used to. But I'm constantly texting and emailing so I appreciate it. 

One thing that totally kicks ass is the Myspace, Facebook, and Twitdroid (for twitter.com) apps. Although they look very similar to the iPhone versions (how different could they really be?) there's one huge advantage on the G1. You can set them to tell you when you get messages. I know it sounds simple right? When you leave the app, you will get a notification when someone sends you  a message. No, I'm not cluttering up my gmail with those notifications, it just tells me as if I was getting a text message. They each let you select what you'd like to be notified of, and at what frequency you'd like the app to check. You could NOT do this on the iPhone. 

The camera is better than the iPhone's too. The iPhizzy has a 2 MP cam, and the G1 has a 3 MP cam. The G1 has removable storage and a removable battery. I haven't really done too much investigating as I just got it last night, but for right now, I'm happy with my decision. If I change my mind, I'll just sell the G1 and hop back on the iPhone thing. 

If you could pass on a piece of advice that meant a lot to you when you received it, what would it be?

Don't Eat The Yellow Snow. 

If your first thought is "Of course not!", you're taking it in too much of a literal sense. Yet, taken in a literal sense, you either now what made the snow yellow or you don't. Either way, it's probably not a good idea to eat that snow. Unless you see that yellow stain on the snow and think, "Wow! Lemonade!!". Then again, the chances of someone walking by and spilling some delicious lemonade is pretty low. Maybe you're traveling closely to the local winter lemonade stand but I doubt it. That just seems a little too good to be true. 

You should probably investigate. Smell it. Get a real good whiff. What's it smell like? Yep, I thought so. It's not lemonade is it? Now that you know it's not tasty lemon juice and sugar, what are you gonna do about it? 

I have one really good answer: Don't Eat It. 

Applied to the rest of your life, I think that's some pretty sound advice. Take every situation you come across as a patch of yellow snow. 

Consider the source, do you know where this yellow snow came from? If so, is it a good source or a bad source? Meaning is it most likely lemonade or is it more likely the other yellow liquid? 

Observe the yellow snow. What kind of tracks are leading up to the yellow snow? Is it dog tracks or is it the tracks of children with an empty pitcher next to it? Or is there a hot steaming pile of brown next to the yellow snow? 

Smell the snow. Does it have a sweet citrus smell or a warm ammonia like aroma?

The point is Don't Eat the Yellow Snow, unless you're sure it's lemonade.